The Phase of Betterment

Hai. Lama tak jumpa. Tak terasa kita telah berada di penghujung tahun 2016. Terima kasih banyak atas rasa penasaran atau adanya keinginan dari kalian untuk membaca tulisan saya.

Hari ini saya ingin menulis sedikit saja mengenai sesuatu yang lagi, tak jauh dari tulisan-tulisan saya  yang biasanya. Mungkin dengan tambahan sedikit bumbu-bumbu romantik dan depresi dalam waktu bersamaan? Selamat membaca.

Begini, berapa lama kah waktu yang orang-orang butuhkan untuk menyadari bahwa sesungguhnya apa yang mereka jalani adalah sia-sia? Mungkin “sia-sia” bukanlah suatu sebutan yang pas. Lebih baiknya kita sebut “tak cukup bermakna” saja. Untuk beberapa orang hanya butuh waktu secepat membalikkan telapak tangan, lalu mereka yang membutuhkan waktu bertahun-tahun, dan sisanya bahkan sampai mati tak menyadari bahwa mereka menjalani suatu hal yang sesungguhnya tak membuat mereka bahagia.

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In this case of mine, it took years. It took me a very long time to see what’s really there underneath. It took me lots of nights wondering what was really going on and what I suppose to do to handle it.

I used to be so happy and excited about everything I do. Relationships, for all that matters. Until one day I started to think, or started to feel, slowly unhappy. I’m literally unhappy about everything. Going through my days, sleeping at night, even waking up in the morning. Lost, you might say.

And it’s crazy to say that all of it, was caused by this particular person, a person that you don’t even have to see everyday. How crazy that just one person, could affect you in any way. Your school, your health, and of course your head.

You feel that way until all you have for yourself were just pity. A giant hole in your heart, and no more sparks in your eyes. It’s like you were once build so high just to be torn down in the very end. You were choked to death, out of breath and then your body thrown in the cold where no one could find you. It’s sad, isn’t it? Or not? Cause it’s definitely is for me.

It’s normal sometimes to fell on your knees and bleed, because you knew the wounds would heal. But what if you fell into an infinity well? You fell so deep that you knew you wouldn’t be able to climb up to save yourself. That it’s impossible for someone to find and grab you. That’s the worst.

In the beginning, how could we guess that we would face such things? How could we let ourselves drown and never again reach the surface?

You never saw it coming. You’re like a paper, letting yourself soaked in a glass of water slowly until you crumbled. You let that particular person to soak your best out of you.

Once it’s done, you’ll be broken and you will think back of how many times you could have started running, to get yourself out of the situation. You just never thought that you’d doubt that person, or even seen yourself off without them.

Time goes by. Days, months, and years, and slowly little by little you feel the warmth of the sun again. You’re not afraid of the dark anymore, and you get yourself out from that giant hole eventually to a betterment.

After all of the pieces you have picked up after all these years, you can finally put your heart back together. After all of the times you spent thinking that you’d never get through, you bloomed and find yourself again.

You’re stronger now, and you’ll never let anyone hammer the walls of your heart anymore. There are no more sad, or bad memories down of your hall. You packed it all and walked away, with your head up high. There’s nothing that could hold you back like before.

Your eyes could see the light now. You could see how one shutting door is just another way to open up a lot of others. You used to feel like there are no options, and now it’s no more.

It is true, that sometimes you have to go through such horrible things, issues, or heartaches. But I’m here to tell you that it is all about the whole process. You will, and we all will somehow make it.

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