Hai. Sudah cukup lama saya tak menulis lagi di blog ini. Alasan yang cukup kuat untuk menjawab mengapa adalah saya sedang berusaha keras untuk fokus pada skripsi saya. Yah, saya yang sudah menginjak semester 8 ini sudah tidak ingin mengulur-ulur waktu lagi untuk lulus. Hari ini saya akhirnya berhasil mendapat izin untuk mendaftar seminar proposal, satu-satunya hal yang menjadi titik fokus saya sejak 2 bulan terakhir. Karena itu, tiba-tiba saya terbersit untuk menulis sedikit tulisan pendek dan sederhana sebelum saya kembali memfokuskan diri pada revisi dan persiapan seminar pertama saya ini tentunya. Jangan bosan dulu ya, ini dia.
Pernahkah kalian merasakan sesuatu, atau menyaksikan sesuatu yang memberikan kesan “mind blown” seketika? Hmm. Bagaimana ya saya mendeskripsikannya? Terkadang tidak semua yang kita alami itu masuk akal. Ya, tidak semua mudah untuk dicerna logika. Inilah, salah satu hal yang sering berputar dan mengganggu pikiran saya.
Dulu saya pernah merasa saya sudah cukup memberi segala-galanya dari saya, untuk seseorang; namun semua juga terasa tidak cukup dalam waktu yang bersamaan. Saya merasa saya telah memberi, dan saya juga merasa bahwa bagian-bagian dari saya pun saya relakan untuk diambil. Mind blowing isn’t it? Or not? I get to the point that I couldn’t deal with anymore, nor accept it. Even though no matter how many times I tried to see the good, the better side. Sometimes good things in life are not easy to find, it is quite hard. But what is wrong with us people is that sometimes good things are not meant to be found, it is meant to be made. We should have stop searching, and start making, start creating. Maybe those things are the best options to make things right; possibly.
But also one thing came accross my mind. Would it be the same thing with starting over? To make a beginning from something that has come to an end? Would it feel as right as the other two? Yes people say that an end of something would bring another new beginning, but what if we would like to begin something from the same damn thing? What if it is because that end is never what we intented; is nothing like what we hoped?
Mostly, things that comes to end would cause an ugly effect. Like what? Sadness, anger, guilt, those feelings that is hard to describe and that is also difficult to accept. We can even feel dying inside; drown, hopeless, lost of meanings. It was all caused by another person. A particular one I suppose. Classic right?
To be more specific, someone that we loved, we cared for, we were closed with, or someone we thought about; anything you can probably say. That for them, we let them took anything they could take. Sometimes we knew that being with them might be a waste of time, but we felt different around them; don’t know if they bring the best out of us, or the worst. We just can’t not hold on. We might feel down, but it came to the point where we thought that with them, our lives would means everything. Despite out the bad things I’ve mentioned before. We thought of giving up but for hundreds of times we just couldn’t do it. Cause it’s them. Back again, we try to make something good, that we chose an option to change ourselves. We covered our ears from everyone else’s opinion, they don’t matter, until you get slapped by reality.
Often, we misunderstood of someone else’s existence in our lives. Not everyone meant to be in our lives forever; maybe, but forever is not that long you know. Forever can be hours stuck in traffic, or a few pages of an extremely difficult book. And it is the same with people in our lives; they come and go, people getting replaced in some sort period of time. But they always worth something. Either they’re a lesson or a blessing, at least that’s what I know.
Some people stay for a long time, some doesn’t. Sometimes we just lost people, sometimes they slipped out of our fingers. Sometimes we just got to experience the feeling of letting go, or being let go. Sometimes we hold things back, sometimes we just have to try our hardest to just let it be.
Whenever we felt any kinds of that, it’s not just us; it’s everyone. We go through the same thing; but in different portions, different time, different situation. Don’t get caught up in yourself. 🙂